Round 13: Jesse Johnson Shot in the 80s, So Next Week Is an 80s Party

Round 13 brought 2 Net Odds / 2 Gross Evens to the Lehman — best two net balls on the odd holes, best two gross balls on the evens. Twenty-six players, seven teams, two blind draws, exactly one eagle, one birthday (same guy, keep reading), three lost personal items, and a pool party that ended at least one man's athletic reputation. Let's get into it.

🕺 The Big News: Jesse Johnson Shot in the 80s

Let the record show that on July 30, 2026, Jesse Johnson shot 88. An EIGHTY-EIGHT. This is a man who posted 106 two weeks ago and 103 last week. His previous season best was 90. Thursday he beat that by two, beat last week by fifteen, and off his 22 that 88 played to a net 66 — the best net round in the field by four shots. Two birdies, six pars, ten team points, and the engine of the winning team.

A performance like that demands commemoration. So it's official: Round 14 is an 80s PARTY. Neon, acid wash, bandanas, aviators, high tops — if Jesse can shoot in the 80s, you can dress in the 80s. See photo above for the standard being set. No exceptions, no excuses, and yes, the leaderboard will remember who showed up in a regular polo.

🏆 The Winning Team: Minus 16, Not Remotely Close

Jack Freeman, Jayme Steele, and Jesse Johnson (plus blind draw Peter Dahl) posted 128 (−16) to win by six. Jesse was the headline, but this was a full team mugging: Freeman's 81 (net 74) carried four birdies — tied for most in the field — and Steele's 82 (net 75) birdied three of the last eight, including back-to-back on 16 and 17, exactly when the gross-evens format pays out. Their blind draw handed them a tidy 80 from Dahl, who, unlike some previous ghosts we could mention, actually showed up for his host team. Ten points apiece for the three live bodies.

🎂🦅 The Only Eagle of the Night Belongs to the Birthday Boy

It was Jared Hoppe's birthday, and he celebrated like a man who wanted the golf to be the story: 75 — second-low gross of the night — featuring the field's ONLY eagle, a 3 on the par-5 2nd, plus a deuce on the 12th and ten pars. Twenty-six players took a combined 104 cracks at the Lehman's four par 5s Thursday and produced exactly one eagle and three birdies — and the eagle went to the guy blowing out candles. Happy birthday, Jared. The course bought you a present and made everyone else watch.

🎯 Low Gross: Timmy's 74, Zero Strokes, Zero Doubles

Timmy Johnson posted the field-best 74 off zero strokes: a deuce on the par-3 3rd, birdies on 8, 11, and 15, and not a single double on the card — the only player in the field who could say that. Four birdies tied Freeman for most on the night. Naturally, all that bought his team was fourth place and five points, because the scratch life continues to give nothing away for free.

🧢 The Eric Davidge Lost & Found

Now, a moment of silence for the possessions of Eric Davidge, who over the course of one evening lost:

• His rangefinder — on the practice green, before the round even started, on a surface where distance-to-target is famously "however far you hit it"
• His driver head cover — somewhere in the 500 yards of the par-5 8th, which is a lot of ground to donate a head cover to
• His putter cover — on the 11th, which he then parred, coverless, out of spite

Here's the punchline: while shedding personal property at a rate of one item per six holes, Davidge shot 83 for a net 70 — the second-best net round of the night. He lost everything except strokes. If anyone finds a rangefinder, a head cover, or a putter cover, please return them to Eric, who by Round 14 will presumably be playing out of a plastic grocery bag.

🎯 Four Deuces, Zero Aces, $3,146

The Lehman serves up four par 3s, and the field stuffed three of them: Timmy on the 3rd, Dave Thomes on the 6th, and Hoppe and Barney Miller both on the 12th. Four deuces, four balls inside kick-in range, and the cup dodged every single one — the 14th was the only par 3 to escape untouched. No aces, so the pot climbs again: $3,146. That's real money sitting on every short iron. Somebody cash it before it buys a car.

🔥 The Hall of Pain

• Your author — 92. Zero birdies, five doubles, and a swing best described as "supervised flailing." My team finished second at −10, which is to say Justin Heitkamp's 78, Tate's 85, and Conrad's clutch counters finished second and let me hold the trophy for the photo. Eight points I will absolutely be counting.
• Dave Thomes — 93 with EIGHT doubles. Eight. And yet the same card holds a deuce on the 6th — one perfect swing floating in a sea of sixes like a life raft nobody climbed onto. Six points anyway, because Thomes doesn't need clean cards, he has a system.
• David Anderson — 93, net 85 off his 8, with an 8 on the 8th. A man of symmetry.
• Jeff Hilborn — 97, five doubles, three triples-plus, and not a single birdie to hang a story on. Some nights the Lehman just wins.
• Matt Lyttle — 92 in his league debut. Welcome, Matt. First rounds are free; the roasting starts now.

🏊 The Pool Party: A Pietig Tragedy in Two Acts

The night ended with a pool party, because it's July and we are a serious golf league. Two athletic contests were held, and Mark Pietig lost both of them.

Act One: the swimming relay. Pietig's leg sank the whole operation. Fine — relays are hard, anchors get tired, currents happen (in a pool).

Act Two: the belly flop contest. Mark. Buddy. A belly flop contest is the one athletic event on Earth where the only requirement is commitment. You literally just have to be willing to hurt yourself. Losing a belly flop contest means the judges looked at your pain and said "not enough." Fourth on the season points board, dead last at the pool. We'll be investigating whether the two are related.

🤝 Season Team Points: New Sheriff, and It's Tate

Thirteen rounds down, best 8 count, and Thursday's eight-point night flips the board:

• Tate Motschenbacher — 63 (new leader)
• Michael Martin — 62 (didn't play Thursday; watched his lead evaporate from the couch)
• Dave Thomes — 61
• Mark Pietig — 59
• Ryan Neitzke & Charlie Geraets — 53

Four players inside four points with seven rounds left. Tate has now scored 8+ points in three straight weeks and taken the season lead without once being the best player on his own team. That's not a criticism — that's a skill. Martin gets his chance to answer next week, presumably in leg warmers.

⛳ Next Up: The 80s Party

Round 14 goes Thursday, August 6. A one-point season lead, $3,146 on every par 3, and a mandatory 80s dress code in honor of Jesse Johnson's 88. Tease your hair, cut the sleeves off something, and swing easy. The more cowbell, the better.